Archive for March, 2009
March 18, 2009 at 1:26 pm · Filed under Betting Online, Universe Of Gambling, World Of Recreation
Supposing you haven’t got the picture on betting room games of luck, feel free to read on —
A definition of a betting establishment is an edifice that offers card playing. Customers may relax handling the slot machines or trying out alternate gambling pastimes. Betting establishment games by and large have fully transparent probabilities built in which make sure the gambling house secures its edge against the betting fans.
Frequently betting house games can sway you into getting dependent very swiftly. We can consider the archetypal slotmachine, a coin operated instrument with three or more cylinders circling if a handle latched onto it is yanked. The machine typically pays out with reference to a range of logos discernible on the screen of the contraption. Sadly, betting house games offer a false impression of being in full control, effectively hoodwinking the gambling buff — the punter is provided with decisions, but in actual fact they can not really match up the customer’s fundamental negative odds. This is induced by the betting establishment never paying up the full sum as hoped for. This structured policy is frequently noticeable in well-known casino games like five card stud, dice, roulette or blackjack.
Seven-card stud is indisputably an incredibly fashionable casino game. The gambling enthusiasts, playing with partially obscured hands, bet in a central pot which is finally awarded to the prevailing gamer owning the highest hand. (And yes, the best bluff may win too.)
free casino
Much the same as five card stud, blackjack too is a very fashionable casino game. A sizeable amount of its popularity is thanks to its particular mix of luck and talent & decision making, and a trick dubbed “counting”. This is an approach in which gaming fans will actually bend the odds of the game to give them an advantage both by betting and strategy decisions in agreement with the cards shown.
Craps is a well-known pastime where you will place bets on the roll of a couple of dice. Customers have to wager on the end result of one cycle, or on a succession of spins of two dice. Dissimilar to blackjack, there isn’t any reliable winning system you can play on to bend the odds.
Roulette is a notable casino game of luck — a croupier turns a roulette wheel that incorporates a set of precisely thirtyseven (classical roulette) or thirtyeight (applies to American or Vegas roulette) independently numbered cells in which a white pellet will come to a stop, which establishes the final winning number as well as the other chances that will always come with it. If the gamester bets on a specific number and is successful, which is to say she is really having a lucky day, the promised benefit is 35 to 1, the wager itself is paid back. Ergo in totality the original wager is multiplied by a factor of 36.
March 18, 2009 at 11:16 am · Filed under Cell Phones
An astounding and unexpected number of people are dropping their (POTS) plain old telephone system, for the latest trends in phone service, VoIP. According to Frost & Sullivan there were 100,000 VoIP users at the end of 2003. Just halfway through 2004 the number jumped to more than 500,000.
The draw to such a change is most often cost related. Traditional phone companies charge use fees and by the minute charges, coupled with long distance fees. VoIP companies are charging a flat fee somewhere between $15.00 to $30.00 US per month, for unlimited calls to anywhere in the US and Canada.
VoIP works by digitizing voice signals from your phone and sending them over the Internet via your home or business computer. While people are scrambling to make the switch and begin to count the money they are saving, they may not realize that there is a good possibility that they are cutting the link between their alarm system and the monitoring station. Another link that is lost in most cases is traditional 911 services, as VoIP does not capture data for emergency response.
When your alarm goes off due to an attempted break in, is no time to find out that the monitoring response that you have been faithfully paying for is not available for you. The Alarm Company has no way of knowing that you switched services. You should be sending a test signal monthly, to assure yourself that the system is working properly, no matter who you are connected through. Be advised that if you are using VoIP and the signal goes through, it does not mean that it will always be as clear. The volume of traffic on the Internet can and will vary the quality of the digitized signal it sends.
If you find yourself intrigued by this revolution in phone services and are dependent on alarm system dispatch as part of your security plan, you should consider the pitfalls and options.
* If power fails to the premise it is likely that your VoIP will fail also, unless your PC has a backup power source.
* You may not be able to use 911 services.
* Your signal may go through giving you a false sense of security, as it may not work next time.
* You may have already switched to VoIP and not realize that your alarm is not being monitored.
I myself have elected to utilize VoIP to save money on long distance. I also maintain a standard limited use phone line to take care of my security communications, 911 and phone backup should power fail. The (limited use) phone line, cost me less than $15.00 per month and is offset by the savings on my long distance bill.
Cellular communicators are available that will make your alarm call over any available cellular network. The device will have to be purchased for about $200.00 to $500.00, and an additional fee of approximately $10.00 per month is added to your monitoring bill.
Some alarm companies offer radio signal transmitted monitoring services, which do not depend on phone lines of any sort to transmit your alarm signal. The availability of such services is limited and depends where you live.
Alarm companies of all sizes are working with manufactures and providers of VoIP services to find ways to properly integrate Alarm Systems with these phone communications industry changes. I would expect many changes in the near future as this does not seem to be a passing fad. Be on the lookout for information on these changes, so that you can always make an informed decision.
Matthew Francis Alarms@expertsknow.com
22 year veteran of the alarm industry
Installer, salesman, licensed alarm company owner, monitoring station designer, promotions and marketing director with one of the worlds largest security dealers. He now works as a consumer advocate, teaching consumers how to buy or get systems for free (without being taken). He is committed to being unbiased.
His web site is http://www.expertsknow.com
March 16, 2009 at 9:57 am · Filed under Misc Infos
What is the connection between music and the brain? Is it possible that music can help you think better? The research says yes, and after telling you about some of it, I’ll let you in on an even faster way to boost your brain power with music.
Music And The Brain - The Research
The research shows that music actually trains the brain for higher forms of thinking. Listening to, and participating in music also creates new neural pathways in your brain that stimulate creativity. An article in a Newsweek (2/19/96) reported on a study from the University of California.
In the study, researchers followed the progress of three-year-olds, split into two groups. The first group had no particular training in, or exposure to music. The second group studied piano and sang daily in chorus. After eight months the musical three-year-olds were much better at solving puzzles, and when tested, scored 80% higher in spatial intelligence than the non-musical group.
Brain Music
A study on music and the brain, done at UC Irvine’s Center for Neurobiology of Learning and Memory involved 36 students. They were given three spatial reasoning tests on a standard IQ test.
Just before the first test, they listened to Mozart’s sonata for Two Pianos in D Major, K. 448 for ten minutes.
Before the second test, they listened to a relaxation tape.
Before the third, they sat in silence.
The average scores for all 36 students: 1st test: 119. 2nd test: 111. 3rd test: 110.
That’s an average increase of 9 iq points from listening to Mozart. It’s assumed that their intelligence didn’t increase, but that the music put them in a state that gave them better access to the resources of their brains. However, other studies do show that repeated exposure to slow music can permanently increas you IQ, so play that Mozart!
Brain Wave Entrainment
Your brain wave frequencies vary according to the state you are in. For example, daydreaming and meditation usually take place in the “Alpha” range of frequencies. Alert concentration is in the “Beta” range. “Brain wave entrainment” products have beats, usually embedded in music, that your brain starts to follow.
If you listen to music containing beats at a frequency of 10 Hz (in the Alpha range) it will feel very relaxing. This is because your brain will begin to follow this frequency and reproduce the rhythm in the music. You’ll generate more brain waves at a 10 Hz frequency and enter a relaxed Alpha mental state. This is the idea behind brain wave entrainment.
This may be why some types of music have certain effects, but not all brain wave entrainment Cds use music. Some use the raw “binaural beats” as they are sometimes called, embedded in white noise, or in sounds of nature. (I have used these products and find them to be pretty powerful , especially the ones for relaxation.)
Whether you use “binaural beats,” or just pop a Mozart CD into the player, you can increase your brain power easily. Try it today. It is doubtful that Mozart will harm you, so why wait for more research to be done on music and the brain?
Steve Gillman has been studying brainpower and related topics for years. For more on How To Increase Brain Power, and to get the Brain Power Newsletter and other free gifts, visit: www.IncreaseBrainPower.com
March 11, 2009 at 7:24 am · Filed under Misc Infos
This is about getting started. Taking that first step. It is so easy to moan about our lives and complain that things aren’t how we want them to be. We all do it. We all have done it! So how can we break out of that moaning habit and turn it into a doing one? Making the decision to do something is the first step - but taking action is the most important one. So you get it wrong. It can happen. What do you do? Do you lay there on the ground feeling sorry for yourself while life carries on around you, or do you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and do something else? Come on! Get going! Be a doer! From now on do something new that will move you forward to achieve the life you want! And whatever you do, do it with enthusiasm, with gusto and with commitment!
Do Something to move you towards your goals. Do the things you want to achieve seem too big or too far off in the future? Each goal can be broken down into little steps which will lead you to your dream. Is what you do each day helping you to achieve your goals? Ask yourself ‘what small thing (or big thing, if you like) can I do today that will move me towards achieving my goal?’ Then do it!
Do Something today that you’ve been putting off for a while. It’s that dreaded word - procrastination! Some of the things you put off do need some preparation, but others could be started straight away, if you put your mind to it. Decide that this is the day to get going on that list of things that has been weighing you down for so long. Large tasks can be broken down into smaller ones, and those that can be completed in minutes will be completed in minutes - if you only just start them!
Do Something for yourself. Enjoy your life now. Don’t wait for some far-off time when conditions may be right to start making the most of the life you have. Your time is precious. Make every second of it count. What do you enjoy doing? Do you make time to do it? Who do you like being with? Do you spend time with them? Do you speak to them and tell them how much they matter to you?
Do Something active every day. It doesn’t have to be formal exercise, just something that gets your body moving. Take the stairs instead of the lift, go out for a walk in your lunch break, and dance to the radio as you make your tea in the morning. Adding that extra bit of activity will make a great difference to you mentally and physically.
Do Something because you want to, not because you have to. Doing something that you don’t want to do, but feel you ought to, will make you feel more stressed, disgruntled and resentful. Be clear, to yourself, and the people you interact with, about what you are, and are not, prepared to do. Don’t get into a fight about it, but be assertive and clearly state your position. Most people will respect you for it.
Do Something new every day. Listen to a different radio station, join a new club, sign up for a new course or start a new book. Routine can make our lives simpler, but too much routine can numb our brain. Adding something new everyday keeps you stimulated. It doesn’t have to be anything major. Trying a new type of coffee would count!
Do Something Creative every week. Doodling, gardening, painting, crafts, working with fabrics, even cooking something you’ve never attempted before. Write a poem, a short story or even a letter to someone you’ve been thinking about. This will keep your creative juices flowing and keep your brain limbered up, whilst giving you satisfaction at having produced something for yourself.
Do Something for nothing. This is really doing something for someone else and not expecting any reward or return, just doing it because you can and it makes a difference. Enough said.
Do enjoy this quote.
‘It is essential to our well-being, and to our lives, that we play and enjoy life. Every single day do something that makes your heart sing.’ — Wieder Marcia
Just remember, if you’re feeling flat, even if it’s only a little thing, do something!
Kate Harper is based in the beautiful Highlands of Scotland. Check out her website www.harpercoaching.com She works with people who are fed up with moaning about their lives and have decided to do something about it. If that is you, please take a look at Kate’s website. Her special interest is in promoting Wellbeing through coaching. She is happy to work with people from any part of the world. “The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult.” Madame Marie du Deffand Take your first step today and contact Kate.
March 11, 2009 at 12:10 am · Filed under Misc Infos
There is a widespread misunderstanding by many women, and surprisingly also by many men that boys and men only have sexual feelings in their penis, or even only in their penis head. The reason why many men also carry this misconception is probably that boys often are educated to suppress corporeal sensations and to be hard.
Many erogenous zones in men and boys are best activated when the body is relaxed, and the zones are stimulated in a gentle manner. Gentle stimulation of these zones in a relaxed state can give feelings of pleasure as strong as those in the penis, and can even result in some types of strong orgasmic reactions. Here is a survey of various erotic zones in the male body, and how to stimulate the sensations in these zones. You can stimulate yourself at these zones when masturbating, or the your female or gay partner can do the stimulation work.
THE SCROTUM AND THE TESTICLES
The scrotal skin and the content of the scrotum, including the testicles, are sensitive to erotic stimulation. When stimulating these genital parts, take first hold of the scrotum with your whole hand, warming it inside your hand, and massaging it gently by gripping movements. Warming and handling the scrotum gives feelings in the whole genital region. Stimulation of the scrotum also increases the blood circulation and engorgement of all the genital organs around the scrotum. The testicles are best stimulated by gentle rolling movements with your fingers. Also tickle the scrotal skin with your finger tips. A part of the penis is actually hidden partly inside and partly behind the scrotal sack, by palpating with your finger tips between the testicles or at the side under the scrotum; you can massage this part of the penis. A sharp massage with your finger tips gives the most intense sensations to this hidden root of the penis.
THE BREAST NIPPLES AND THEIR SURROUNDINGS
The nipples of a man are important erogenous zones, and a man has tits just as a woman, although the tits of a man are smaller and flatter that those of a woman. Actually a man has all the structures that a woman has in his breasts, but they are not developed to have a milk producing capacity. This means that a man’s breasts have the same erotic capacity as the tits of woman. A man’s nipples also have an erective capacity. They rise and get hard upon stimulation. When stimulating a man’s breasts, take hold of the breast with your whole hand, warming it inside your hand, and massaging it gently by gripping movements. To stimulate the nipples, massage gently around the nipples with a finger tip. Also squeeze the nipples with your fingers, varying the intensity from the very gentle nip to some harder pressure.
THE REGION BETWEEN THE PENIS AND THE ANUS
The visible penis is actually a part of a larger body beginning at the prostate region just in front of the anus, and reaches to the tip of the penis. The urethra also goes through this structure. The parts between your legs will engorge when you are sexually exited just as the penis, and when it engorges, the region bulges out between the legs. Upon mechanical stimulation, this area gives intense pleasurable feelings. You can stimulate this area by squeezing it between your fingers, pressing down against the urethra or massaging up and down along the urethra. You should change between gentle and a little harder handling, as these two manners give rise to different types of feelings.
THE NAVEL AND THE BLADDER REGION
The navel is an erotic point, and so are the structures in the middle of the belly between the navel and the penis. This structure contains a groove between the belly muscles. The structures in this groove are very sensuous, the so called linea alba. The naval can be stimulated by sticking a finger into it, and by tickling with your finger deep down in the navel. Also here you should alternate between light, gentle, slow tickling, and harder sharper tickling. This stimulation give sensations that radiate out form the navel to the surroundings, and spreads downwards to the tip of your penis, giving a very funny feeling in your penis. The groove between the navel and the penis, you can stimulate by massaging up and down with the tip of your fingers.
THE BUTTOCKS AND ANAL SURROUNDINGS
The inner sides of the buttocks in the natal cleft give rise to deep erotic feelings with a very special intimate valor. Move your fingers up and down between the buttocks from the spine to the opposite end between the legs, and gently massage the inner side of each buttock with your finger tips. You can also concentrate your attention to the region deep inside the cleft very near the anus and tickle these most intimate points with your finger tips. Further you can stretch each buttock to the side so that the butt cleft opens, and the rectal opening is also stretched. The result of these manipulations is erotic sensations that radiate to the whole pelvic area, flow deep inside you and rise upwards along your spine.
THE ANUS AND THE OUTER RECTUM
The anal region is in many ways the real central of feelings in a man or boy. By stimulating this area in the proper ways, you can create a process that spread waves of intense feelings of joy, pleasure and ecstasy up through the whole body, partly forward to the genitals and belly region, and partly along the spine up to the neck. You best stimulate the rectal opening by very gentle circulatory movements with your finger tips. Alternate between these circulatory movements and the stimulation of the insides of the buttocks. You can also stick a smeared finger into the anal opening and stimulate by gentle movements in and out. By sticking your finger further inside, you can gently massage the inside walls of the anus. By adding some pressure, your stimulation reaches deep into the tissue around the rectum. All these stimulation give rise to profound feelings radiating to the whole body.
THE DEEP PART OF THE RECTUM
The perhaps most intimate and sensitive zone of a man, is the deep part of the rectum. This zone can be reached by gay intercourse or with a dildo or some other long object. When inserting something in the anus to stimulate this zone, it is necessary to be very cautious so that the intestinal walls are not hurt. However, this zone is so sensitive that even the gentlest stimulation gives an immense depth of feelings, both of physical and psychological kind. You can stimulate this zone by gently and gradually by inserting a thin smeared dildo, and when fully inserted, very gently move it a little in and out, a little around, or press gently to different sides with the dildo. The more you relax, and the longer you do this stimulation, the deeper and more intense will the feelings grow.
THE PROSTATE:
The prostate lies just in front of the anus and the urethra goes through it. This gland produces much of the viscous fluid in the semen. You can stimulate it from the outside by pressing somewhat firmly with your fingers inward just in front of the anus. There is a deepening in this area, just like a little vagina. Press your finger into this groove and a little forward. You can also stimulate the prostate by inserting your finger into the anus and massage the prostate through the front wall of the anus. The massage releases prostate fluid. Feeling the fluid coming through your urethra and dripping out through you pee-hole, add to the physical excitement. Also the prostate have its own sexual feelings, and prostate massage combined with anal stimulation can induce a form of orgasm that has a much deeper psychological and ecstatic impact than ordinary penile orgasm.
From Knut Holt - K-holt2@online.no. Knut Holt is an internet marketer and author with a focus on health items and erotism. Please go here for health information, products to increase sexual pleasure and natural medicines against many common diseases.
www.abicana.com
Free to reprint with the author’s name and link.
March 10, 2009 at 9:56 pm · Filed under Video Infos
Can we strengthen the brain and its connections by artificial means? Indeed this may be possible and I had a theory on all of this. You see I believe there is a way to strengthen the brain electromagnetically. How could this possibly be you ask? Well let me tell you of a theory I have on the subject, as it might provide at least some clues or a potential puzzle piece.
In my theory this could be done by artificially imagining a spinning set of electrical impulses outside the body flowing on the outer circumferences of a sphere at different angles, which would stimulate the brain. And if this theory holds it may be possible to build a device and stick your head in like a beach ball and send impulses around the perimeter moving the blood differently, electric impulses in new patterns and stimulate the brain. I should probably make one some day, it would be an easy experiment really.
If we picked the correct resonance and speed of the electrical charges spinning around and then watched this process on an MRI of the brain we might find the brain enjoys this stimuli and reacts in a very positive way towards it and a way which increases cognition in both a dream state and a waken state. It might also help people rebuild connections, increase memory or allow more complex thought by supercharging the brain so to speak. Well consider all this in 2006.
“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/
March 8, 2009 at 7:50 pm · Filed under Webcam Tips + More
One of the best ways to improve your on-camera interviews is by conducting mini-interviews with your subjects before the camera rolls. This was really helpful for a recent San Diego video production. An apprehensive, nervous CEO became a solid, confident presenter on tape largely because our producer spent time preparing him.
Ideally, this is done in person with the subject a few weeks or days before your video production. That way, they’ll become comfortable with your interview style and you’ll have an idea what they’ll look and sound like on tape. It will also give you an opportunity to evaluate their chances of performing as required for the program. It may be possible to schedule some quick media training or suggest other ways to enhance their performance. This could include the addition of a teleprompter or a hair/makeup stylist.
If time doesn’t permit a personal visit, a phone conversation is the next best thing. This is when you can determine whether your subject is long-winded, lacks energy, etc., so that you can find a better interview subject. You can help your subject to be succinct and clear (i.e., “Am I understanding you correctly when you say…” or “Do you mean to say…”). It will also give you the chance to help the subject gather their thoughts. Busy professionals often wait until the last minute to scan briefing notes and then sit down and want the interview over in five minutes. The client then wonders why the program wasn’t successful.
Pre-interviews can also help you formulate better questions because you’ll know what your subject is going to say. At the very least, take a few minutes before the camera rolls, while the crew is setting up, for a mini pre-interview to find out what your subject will say and to help him or her relax. The worst thing to do is to sit in the room during setup. There are too many distractions. The client will be listening to where the audio guy went on vacation instead of discussing the subject at hand with you. This is the time to take control, isolate the client from handlers if possible, and accomplish your goal of making the subject comfortable with you and their material.
Kurt Snider is the owner of Solana Productions, an Emmy award winning video production company with offices located in San Diego, Los Angeles and Seattle. For more information, please visit http://www.solanaproductions.com
March 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm · Filed under Misc Infos
Ask anyone in a committed long-term union for the secret of their success. Almost always, one of the top three reasons cited is the ability to laugh together. No matter how big the problems, or how many the obstacles, they will be most effectively approached with a sense of humor and the teamwork that emerges from shared laughter and a mutually positive outlook.
While some fun costs money: an amusement park, a fine meal out, a trip to Vegas, or that hilarious new movie, there are many fun activities that don’t cost a dime. Give your partner the gift or being a slave for a week, including the requisite master or mistress verbiage, pulling your forelock, bowing or curtseying, and backing out of the room. The results can be very funny, especially if carried into public or in front of the kids.
Both of you call in sick to work and play hooky - hang out at the mall like truant high school sophomores. Spend some time coming up with totally outrageous excuses that you know you will never be able to deliver with a straight face. If it’s summer, wash the car, and each other, in the driveway. If it’s winter, have a snowball fight or walk in the rain. Walk along the beach or in the hills or stroll through town window shopping.
Watch television together: not the dreary news but old Seinfeld or Lucy reruns which are just as funny as when they were made. Search out joke sites on the Internet or spend some time at the drugstore just looking at funny greeting cards. Tell stories about things that happened to you before you met and reminisce about the fun times you’ve had since you first became an item.
Take a foreign language class at a local adult school and decide that you will only communicate in that language over dinner, if nothing else it will really polish your charades ability. Take an art class and laugh at your own ineptness with color and perspective. Take a bus or train ride and make up stories about the other passengers, Sing Kareoke and mutually laugh at the probable response your efforts would elicit if you auditioned for “American Idol.” Pretend you’ve just met and try out some stale pick up lines to see each other’s reaction.
Life is so short and there are so many problems that arise and challenges that must be faced. At times, we become overwhelmed by the responsibilities we must bear and the energy required to keep our lives on an even keel.
Deliberately establishing “recess” periods gives us a break from the daily grind. Just as children don’t learn well if they don’t have a chance to go out and play, adults need a recess too. It allows us to return to work re-energized and renewed. The more we practice it, the more frequent it will become. Most importantly, the play time with our partner intensifies our relationship and can keep our affection green and growing through the years ahead.
Virginia Bola is giving away complimentary copies of “Seven Super Simple Tips: Keep Your Marriage Fresh” from which this article is taken. To obtain your own copy, visit: www.graburl.com/x.php?1cs.
March 5, 2009 at 12:20 am · Filed under Finance Resources
Do you know what the Child Trust Fund is? A surprisingly
sparse number of parents seem to have heard of the fact that all newborn children receive a free £250 voucher from the government to invest. The vouchercan be invested in any one of threevarieties of CTF account, Stakeholder - a shares-based account that changesinto cash, a savings account or a shares account. It is a superb chance to for the future life of a child
Scottish Friendly is an accredited provider of the Child Trust Fund Voucher. The State is eager for the public to have access to Stakeholder accounts and this is the type of account that we are providing. This means that:
Investments are sent into our Managed Growth Fund, which seeks to provide strong growth potential
An investment is made in part in shares to take advantage of potentially higher returns over 18 years,compared to a cash deposit account (although the value of shares canfall as well as go up whereas capital would be protected in a deposit account)
It is available with a low ‘Stakeholder’ funds charge of just 1.5% per year
When attaining the age of 18 the young person will receive a lump sum, entirely free of Capital Gains and Income Tax under present law
It’s affordable - additional payments can be put in the account from as little as £10
One of the highights of the Child Trust Fund is that anyone - parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends - if they want can add to the Fund to a maximum of £1,200 per year to help boost the child’s Fund (once added, this money cannot be withdrawn).
In a nutshell our Stakeholder account offers a good balance between potentially high returns and a lower level of risk. There is also the additional assurance that our account complies with the Government’s stakeholder criteria. Nevertheless this doesn’t mean that returns are guaranteed or that Stakeholder accounts are appropriate for everyone. Bear in mind that the value of shares in the Managed Growth Fund (where your Child Trust Fund money is held) can go down as well as increase and is not guaranteed.
Only children whose birthday is on or after 1st September 2002 are authorised to open a Child Trust Fund. If you have children born before the {1st of September 2002 who are not allowed you could contemplate saving for them with a Child Bond - it’s a tax-free savings plan intended for long-term growth. It is evident that investing for your children is a sound means of preparing for hard times that may lie ahead.
March 4, 2009 at 8:01 pm · Filed under Misc Infos
BEING ASSERTIVE
Many people find it extremely difficult to be assertive, whether it is in the work place, or in their personal lives. All too often, there is confusion between being assertive and being aggressive. It is my belief that you lose credibility and the moral high ground as soon as you show any signs of aggression.
There are some very simple principles to being assertive.
EXPECTATION
Expect to be listened to, you’ll be amazed at the difference there is when you are mentally prepared. Think about the lion tamer. If he shows fear the animal will know and attack.
Set clear expectations of yourselves and others; don’t expect other people to read what is in your mind. Articulate exactly what you expect from them and why.
BOUNDARIES
Creating positive boundaries is important. We all feel at our most comfortable if we know how far we can go. Take control of the situation and set out your expectations.
PHYSICAL PRESENCE
How you use body language can make a huge difference to the way others treat us. It is part of the “expect to be listened to.” Hold your head up high, be a force to be reckoned with. If you look intimidated others will be intimidating. Be careful not to intimidate others.
If you are on home territory think about how you arrange the room and plan your engagement with others. Where you sit, whether you use a desk or sit on comfortable chairs at equal height all have a bearing on how the interaction with others will work. Be careful not to give mixed messages.
If you are about to haul someone over the coals keep the situation formal.
USE OF VOICE
The tone of voice has a major impact on whether you will be heard, take a deep breath so that your voice is sustained. Think about the message you want to give. Be wary of the following: the shout, nag, whine, Uriah Heap (I’m ever so ‘umble”. You do not need to raise your voice, simply state what you want to say in a matter or fact voice without heat. Try it out in the privacy of your bedroom.
Be careful to use a voice which can be heard, is interesting in pitch and delivery. Breathe properly and protect your vocal cords.
BE PREPARED
If you are prepared you will speak with more authority, be better able to deal with the things that come up. Plan what you want to say, this is particularly important if you are to speaking to a group of people.
CREATE RAPPORT
During any introduction it is important to connect with the group you work with. Be open, friendly, smile and feel in control. It will have a positive impact on the person or the group.
THINK OF THE LANGUAGE YOU USE
It can be extremely powerful. If you start with a positive statement it sets the tone. If you constantly ask people to do you a favour they will begin to believe they are doing you a favour rather than it be part of their job. “I would like you to ……” is a better style.
REMEMBER TO THANK
If people have done what was asked it is really important that you acknowledge their effort. They will be far more inclined to put themselves out again in the future.
USE HUMOUR
But appropriately. Never at your clients or colleagues expense.
IF YOU DO NOT GET WHAT YOU WANT
Be calm, be persistent and stay in control. Repeat what you want and why. Ask them to consider the implications of not doing as you request. Don’t threaten, bully or shout. Stick to your guns and if you outline a consequence it is important that you carry it out.
Those who find being assertive difficult often assume that everyone else finds it easy. The reality is that most people can feel anxious or wrong footed in some situations. I find it fascinating that when you talk to someone who appears supremely confident the reality is often very different. Acting confident is what makes the difference - you can do it too with a little bit of practice.
Independent Consultant, writer and life-coach Gina Gardiner loves working with others supporting them to make the best of their potential.
Described by Ofsted as an “inspirational leader” and by Investors in People as an “impressive coach and exceptional mentor who has developed an innovative and exemplary training scheme” for the development of emergent, middle and senior managers.
Gina has a huge interest in leadership, she has led a wide range of training and facilitation activities with individuals, schools and other organisations, In her work as coach/mentor she supports people at individual or organisational level to develop confidence, leadership and people skills and effective delegation; empowering them to see themselves as part of the solution. If you would like to know more email: gina.gardiner@ntlworld.com or look on www.firststeptothefuture.com
Gina Gardiner is also the author of “Live Well Eat Well With Celiac Disease” in this book she writes from first hand experience of being a celiac. For more information or to sign up to our free monthly ezine go to www.celiacliving.com
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