Archive for Best Psychology Resources
June 16, 2010 at 11:06 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
“What are you looking at?” “What?” Furrowed brow followed by an uncontrolled bellow of expletives or worse! Flying debris, maybe, slamming doors. Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a potentially dangerous situation? Have you ever been on the receiving end of a flying ashtray? Or have YOU been violent or violently angry?
Anger has been increasing in recent years and violent behavior has been on the rise. This past year, my home city experienced a record number of murders and people are asking “Why?” Good question but not one with an easy answer.
Anger begins as an individual attitude or feeling and it is compounded when a similar attitude or feeling crosses its path. Anger needs to be dealt with on an individual basis. The way to combat a rise in anger and a rise in violence is to deal with individuals one at a time. Clergy, parents, teachers, counselors and psychologists need to begin teaching a combination of things from a change in attitude to a change in diet and exercise. It is all so very complicated but each group has a function and each group has a responsibility to society to teach and learn.
What I want to concentrate on is the exercise and attitude adjustment. As a parent of a self professed angry 17 year old, I want to share with you what I believe is my responsibility to my daughter and society at the same time.
The 3 most important things, in my opinion when dealing with anger in your teenager is:
1. Getting enough sleep
Staying up late and not getting sufficient rest is not “cute” or “just a phase” it is a serious issue and for a teen it can be the beginning of trouble. Especially when society is teaching them that caffeine(like these new “energy drinks”) can help you get through the day. No wonder kids start using methamphetamines and other uppers in their teens. Find a way for your teen to sleep normally. Night sleeping (at least 8 hours) and day school is still the best way to go. But with all of the tv shows and computer chats and video games, it is almost impossible to get your teens to sleep regularly.
2. Getting enough to eat
Now I’m not talking about snacks or macaroni and cheese. I’m talking about vegetables and fruit and helping them to control the intake of caffeine and sugar late in the day.
3. Getting enough exercise
It is vitally important in this day and age to have your teens moving so that at bedtime they are physically tired. I know the later it gets the more wired my daughter gets. I never see her go to bed anymore. I have to get up for work at 4:30 am and my daughter is sometimes just going to bed when I get up. And that’s on a school day!
Now these things won’t happen overnight, especially when you haven’t enforced them from the beginning. However it needs to be done and in the coming issues I will share with you what my daughter and I do to handle this problem. This is not an exact science but a learning and growing for both of us. You see, even though I’ve been a teen before and she hasn’t, I’ve never been the father of a teen. So in a way we are both learning together for the first time. I know we both love each other so we will begin with that and move forward.
Alan is a 50 year old divorced man with custody of his 17 year old daughter.
December 1, 2009 at 10:37 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources, Big Medicine, The Healthy Way
How Clinical Depression Touches Your Household and Friends.
The first ones to observe changes in your temper or activity level are your family and friends. While family and friends are great for backup and must be held earnestly, you will want to meet your doctor for proper treatment.
When your son asks for how you feel and implies you could be having from a mild depression, it is very critical to take their speech gravely and see a doc for right diagnosing and guidance.
Your closest allies will too observe the changes in you and you?re likely the last person to notice if you have from a moderate depressive disorder. Dealing with clinical depression early, will ease the distress for both you and your relatives and friends.
If you endure from depressive disorder you are in all probability sad and moody, without pleasure or enterprise and commonly less caring than everyday. Overmuch time spend on the PC, playing games or looking at Facebook can also be a sign of depression.
These signs of depressive disorder can be very strong on your household and acquaintances, who will both endure from their concerns concerning your wellness, and the transformed response patterns in your doings.
The introductory intervention with antidepressant drugs holds out 4 to 8 weeks and afterward that time period you should be without signs and be conditioned to lead a normal living with family and friends. But remember to confer with your physician and it is also best to confer with a psychiatrist as well.
Commend to listen to your relations and true friends as they will endure if you hold back from seeing your physician and start handling.
July 11, 2009 at 3:53 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources, Cosmetics, Cyber Lifestyle
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May 21, 2009 at 2:56 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Neurotransmitters (NTs) are essential chemical messengers that regulate brain,
muscle, nerve and organ function. The most common NTs are serotonin, dopamine,
norepinephrine, and epinephrine. Low levels of these important chemicals is
extremely common in the general public and is due to innumerable lifestyle,
environmental, and dietary factors. This article is intended to help the reader
determine whether they may be deficient in NTs and how evaluation and treatment
of this disorder can help.
People with neurotransmitter deficiency disorder can suffer from one or more of the
following conditions: obesity, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue,
insomnia, attention deficit, learning disorders, panic attacks, migraines, pms,
menopausal symptoms, digestive complaints and many more.
Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and other drugs working on the
neurotransmitter biochemistry such as Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, Celexa, Wellbutrin,
etc. are currently some of the most commonly prescribed drugs. They work by
artificially increasing the amount of serotonin in the synapse of the nerve which
allows a temporary improvement in the chemical messaging system.
The problem with this approach is that these drugs DO NOT increase serotonin
levels and in fact deplete reserves of the NT. This occurs because the SSRI class
drugs cause an increase in an enzyme called MAO. It is common for people to
experience only temporary improvement due to this effect.
The most effective way to correct a neurotransmitter deficiency is to perform a
simple urine test to measure the NT levels. The treatment for optimizing the
neurotransmitter levels is to provide the basic amino acid precursors or building
blocks so the body can replenish the inadequate levels.
The true value of any treatment is the results it produces. Using this approach over
the last year, I have helped coach many patients to a higher level of wellness.
Patients with chronic depression, anxiety, and or insomnia have experienced a new
sense of wellbeing while continuing their prescription, others have successfully
weaned themselves off their prescription SSRI drugs after their symptoms have
improved. Weight loss patients using slightly higher amino acid dosing consistently
lose 1.5-2.5 lbs. per week without hunger while improving their lean muscle/body
fat ratios.
FAQs regarding Dr. Nelson’s NT program for anxiety and depression
Q. If I am already taking SSRI drugs, can I safely use this amino acid approach?
A. In my clinical experience I have seen great results with patients who have been on
SSRI drugs for many many years. First, we get the person feeling better, then if the
patient chooses, we slowly wean them off their prescription drugs.
Q. How does amino acid therapy increase NT levels?
A. 5HTP is converted into serotonin and then melatonin. Phenylalanine is converted
into tyrosine, then dopamine, L-Dopa, norepinephrine, and lastly epinephrine.
Q. How do you measure for the neurotransmitter levels in order to determine
appropriate treatment?
A. The levels for epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, GABA, PEA,
histamine, and many others can be measured with a simple urine test. An initial
urine test can be given and then repeated after 6 to 12 weeks of therapy to
determine optimal neurotransmitter levels have been obtained.
Q. Are there any side effects associated with the amino acid neurotransmitter
therapy?
A. Not only are there no side effects, but there are numerous side benefits. People
with depression often find relief not only from depression but also insomnia,
fatigue, GI symptoms, chronic pain, pms, menopausal symptoms, obesity, food
cravings, etc. In a small amount of people (less than 5%) people could have gastro
intestinal symptoms such as nausea, cramping, diarrhea, etc. This occurs in people
with severe neurotransmitter deficiency. This usually occurs within the first three
days and is solved by stopping all amino acids. Therapy is continued at very low
dosing after symptoms abate and then slowly increased to therapeutic levels over
three to six weeks.
Q. How long will it take until my symptoms of depression/anxiety improve?
A. Each individual responds differently to treatment. Some patients have noticed
incredible improvements in moods in a few days, others don’t notice any
improvements for a period of time (sometimes 3-4 months) and then notice gradual
improvements over the following 3 to 6 months, most patients notice gradual
improvements beginning after 1 month of treatment and then continue to improve.
Q. What should I expect during a normal course of evaluation and treatment?
A. Evaluation involves an initial office visit to determine overall health history,
prescription drug levels, severity of symptoms, and any related health concerns.
There is an optional urine test for neurotransmitter levels. Treatment consists of the
following:
1. Conditioning Phase - a one to two week period to prepare the patient for higher
levels of therapeutic amino acid dosing.
2. Therapeutic Phase - a period lasting anywhere from two months to 1 year+ where
high levels of amino acids are given to restore the neurotransmitter levels.
3. Maintenance Phase - ongoing treatment with a small amount of amino acids to
maintain the levels of neurotransmitters. This provides enough amino acids to
replace the neurotransmitters excreted throughout the day.
Q. Will I need to stay on amino acid therapy indefinitely?
A. Most people need to stay on a low level maintenance dose in order to continue
to feel well after their 2 month to 1 year plus treatment phase. If people stop taking
the amino acids, their neurotransmitter levels will slowly decrease over time.
Q. What amino acids are used in this therapy?
A. The amino acids used depend on the unique situation. The therapy will include
any number of the following: 5HTP, tyrosine, phenylalanine, cysteine, mucuna
(herbal L-Dopa), theanine, glutamine, taurine, methionine, GABA, phosphorylated b
vitamins, minerals, and anti-oxidants.
Q. What is the approximate cost of the therapy?
A. The cost of the neurotransmitter replacement therapy can range from $80 to
$120+ during the therapeutic phase. After the patients symptoms have improved
and the urine tests show optimal levels, the cost for the maintenance therapy is
significantly less.
Q. What’s the success rate for anxiety and depression using this approach?
A. Anxiety and Depression are conditions that are multi-factorial. Patients that
follow the dietary recommendations, take the supplements and don’t give up before
the neurotransmitters levels have been restored have a very high success rate. This
natural therapy corrects the biochemical imbalance associated with these
conditions. Patients working with a qualified counselor or therapist to address the
mental and emotional aspects of these conditions have an even higher success rate.
William Nelson, NMD is a Naturopathic Medical Doctor in private practice in North
Scottsdale. He specializes in the treatment of depression/anxiety and weight loss
using amino acid therapy. Dr. Nelson combines time honored natural therapies with
the latest advances in medical science for the treatment and prevention of all other
chronic and acute health concerns. 7500 E. Pinnacle Peak Rd. A207 Scottsdale, AZ
85255 480-563-4256
March 28, 2009 at 9:10 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Rehabilitation from drug addiction is a complex process. It involves commitment from the individual addict to abstain from further drug use. The physical dependence on the drug needs to be overcome through medical intervention. Medical supervision is essential to safely detoxify an addicted individual. Safety is an issue since sudden withdrawal of a drug will lead to very profound physiological changes that can be very uncomfortable and can sometimes be life threatening. The range of drugs abused is wide but general principles apply to drug and alcohol rehabilitation.
After the medical detoxification process, which is often in an inpatient setting, a program to continue the rehab process as an outpatient is essential. Sometimes replacement drugs are needed such as methadone maintenance programs where patients are given methadone to replace the heroin that is abused. The methadone helps prevent the euphoria and at the same time decreases the craving that is central to addiction. A typical dose that may work is 30-60 milligrams of methadone daily but this is variable and depends on the intensity of addiction among other factors. Alcohol rehab often involves an acute hospital based detoxification where a thorough medical assessment is done and then drugs belonging to the class called benzodiazepines are given to prevent withdrawal. Medical issues are often the main reason an addict enters a treatment entry point.
After this acute phase an outpatient 12 step program such as Alcoholics Anonymous is critical to maintain abstinence. Many patients who are addicted to drugs have co-morbid psychiatric conditions like depression that need to be addressed. Others have HIV/AIDS, which also need to be managed if a lasting solution is needed. Many rehab programs are covered by insurance and charity. They also have social workers who will help with the practical aspects of getting back to a productive life.
Above all, the commitment of the individuals working in the program helps sustain and develop faith and trust in the system since addicts are often marginalized members of society.
Drug Rehab provides detailed information on Drug Rehab, Drug Rehab Programs, Drug Rehab Centers, Drug And Alcohol Rehab and more. Drug Rehab is affiliated with Drug Detox Rehab.
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February 8, 2009 at 1:22 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Depression, characterized by erratic mood swings, loss of interest in hobbies and activities is a very serious emotional disorder affecting about 9.5 per cent of the nation. Needless to say, it is could be a lot more fatal if a depressed person is heading towards suicide.
Therefore, here are some signs to know if your loved one is considering suicide as a result of depression.
Depression Suicide: Warning Signs to be Aware of
1. Mentions of Suicide or Death
2. Wanting to tie up loose ends or give away personal belongings
3. Engaging in reckless behavior such as heavy alcohol and drug use
4. Withdrawing from family and friends
5. Erratic mood swings
6. Inappropriately saying goodbye
7. Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect: (for example: “I want to go to sleep and never wake up.”, “I’m so depressed, I just can’t go on.”, “Does God punish suicides?”
Though the signs and warnings may vary from person to person, it is important that you are able to recognize such warnings and take some steps to help your loved one.
Depression Suicide: Tips for Help
If you believe someone is contemplating suicide do seek help immediately, however there are a several suicide prevention web sites and hotlines available to help those in need, but in case these are not within your reach, you can try the following:
1. Cultivate Physical Closeness: Simple hugs, kisses on the cheeks, loving pats and compliments go a long way in healing a broken heart or depressed mind. Remember, sometimes the little things DO count.
2. If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave him or her alone.
3. Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help. Thus if someone contemplating suicide turns to you, it is likely that he believes that you are more caring and more informed about coping with depression, and more willing to help. This in itself is a positive, thus it will be time to empower yourself to be what a suicidal person views you to be; stronger and you are.
4. Other steps to take include reassuring them that help is available and that with appropriate treatment they can feel better. Try not to patronize them by simply telling them that “everything will be fine,” or that “they have everything to live for.
5. Try to search the house for dangerous items such as guns and knives that could be potentially harmful.
In addition to the factors above, if you are of a spiritual inclination, this will be a good time to pray according to the framework of your faith. Indeed, prayer when used effectively can work wonders to aid in curtailing depression suicide.
Moreover, in the hopes that your loved one begins to show signs of improvement from the warnings indicating depression suicide, it will be great to start to include such drug-free approaches for depression treatment such as exercise: namely Yoga, a proper diet for physical health which in turn heals the mind and positive thinking and affirmations.
Naturally we all would get concerned or frightened if a loved one seems on the brink of suicide resulting from depression, however as with all life’s problems, if we can catch it early and nip it in the bud, depression suicide can be prevented. If things may have gotten more advanced, then it may be time to seek professional help or as an alternative double up on our efforts to steer the loved one back to a positive outlook on life.
Foras Aje is an independent health researcher and founder of Bodyhealthsoul.com, a website on Natural Health and Wellness. For additional information on depression treatment go to: http://www.bodyhealthsoul.com/depression.htm
February 2, 2009 at 3:35 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
We all want to be associated with a winner, be it a winning person, a winning team, a worthwhile cause or a successful organisation. We all have sports people, teams, actors or artists that we consider “ours”. When they do well, we bask in their reflected glory. It’s the same at work - we want to be associated with a worthwhile “winning” organisation. Our greatest reward is receiving acknowledgment that we have contributed to making something meaningful happen. More than anything else, people want to be valued for a job well done by those they hold in high regard.
A famous study by Lawrence Lindahl in the 1940’s came up with some surprising results. When supervisors and their employees were asked to list “What motivates the employees?” . . .
- Employees listed “appreciation of a job well done” as number one and “feeling in on things” as number two.
- Supervisors, on the other hand, expected the employees would rank these two items as eighth and tenth respectively (supervisors thought employees would put wages as number one and promotion number two!).
These results were replicated in similar studies in the 1980’s and again in the 1990’s. In another recent study, employees were asked to rank job-based incentives - “personal thank-you’s” came first and “a note of appreciation from my manager” came second. “Money” came in at 16th!
Praise, the thing that motivates us the most, takes so little time and costs nothing! Famous management writer Rosabeth Moss Kantor once said “Compensation is a right. Recognition is a gift.”
Have you appreciated the work of others lately? Has the value of your own work been appreciated? Here’s a quick test - over the last week, have you:
- Told someone they have done a good job?
- Looked specifically to find someone doing something well?
- Made someone else look good rather than taking the credit yourself?
- Thanked others for your own success?
- Passed on positive comments you have heard about others?
These are simple examples of the things we need to do regularly to acknowledge the good work of others.
You might say, “If it’s that easy, why don’t more people do it?” There are many reasons, but they all fall into two categories - personal and organisational.
On a personal level, many of us are not comfortable giving praise. We may be awkward about it, or perhaps believe that people are paid to do a job, so why do we have to praise them?
From an organisational perspective, it may be the culture that is holding us back, or perhaps technology preventing us from valuing the work of others. For example, technology has changed the way many of us operate. Email may have replaced personal interaction, so we no longer see what others do well - out of sight is out of mind, so how can we praise good work if we don’t see it?
Here are six ways we can put praise for a job well done back into our working lives.
1. Look for things people do well and acknowledge them for their good work.
2. Be a model of acknowledgment - show others it’s OK to give praise.
3. Have a conversation with a colleague about how to give praise for work well done.
4. When people have performed above the norm, write them a small thank you note.
5. Encourage others to thank one another and pass on stories of good work to your manager.
6. Work to create a culture of appreciation - make acknowledgment part of your daily routine.
The essential point is that praise must be frequent and given locally (by colleagues and managers). It should not be seen as a corporate initiative or program, but merely “the way we do things around here”.
What’s not been said so far, is that praise must be genuine. People in general are very good at spotting insincerity. The message? When you do praise someone, make sure it’s for the good work they have done and not just for the sake of it.
A final word of warning. Many organisations turn acknowledgment into an event. They distort it with extrinsic motivators (such as money) and taint it with internal competition. Pure and simple, giving praise for a job well done is just that - pure and simple.
So, find someone doing something good today and simply tell them what a good job they’ve done!
If you’d like to give me some thanks for this article, you can do so at http://www.nationallearning.com.au.
Bob Selden is the Managing Director of the National Learning Institute. He has been an HRD consultant for over 30 years, prior to which he was a line manager in a financial organisation. He is an Australian currently living in Switzerland and is a part time member of faculty at the International Management Development Institute in Lausanne and the Australian Graduate School of Management in Sydney. You can contact Bob at http://www.nationallearning.com.au/.
January 23, 2009 at 4:09 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Ergonomics is a term dating only as far back as the 1940s. It well describes the science of adapting work and working conditions to suit the worker instead of the other way around - the worker adapting to the machine.
One of the most interesting things about the science of ergonomics (or perhaps the most frustrating) is the fact that all individuals are of different height, weight, arms and hand size, etc. People have so many different dimensions that the combinations are practically endless. So ergonomics can be seen as a sort of an ongoing convoluted puzzle with missing pieces.
With the immense expansion in the use of computers and associated equipment in the workplace comes the need for less injury and stress to the workers themselves. The long hours many of us spend interacting with our office equipment affect us in many ways - and not always in a positive way.
Unfortunately, gone is the physical variety in our work tasks, as almost all we need is within reach at our desk. And thus comes work-related injuries and other stresses.
Think office-related injuries are a joke? Think again. The 5 main injury sites for an office worker include the neck, shoulders, lower back, wrist and yes, the ankles and legs. If pain is impeding your ability to go to work - that affects your weekly paycheck which in turn, affects your creditors, which in turn affects your whole family’s lifestyle.
That’s why office furniture manufacturers have stepped in to offer more ergonomically correct chairs and workspace equipment for a healthier work environment.
Aeron chairs were designed for long-term seating for computer work, general office work, and casual or formal meetings by using the principles of ergonomics to minimize back pressure and strain on all areas of the torso.
Reggie Andersen is a home business office advocate. He recommends persistence and a healthy work environment including a strict schedule, good ethics and comfort. Aeron Chairs and Ergonomic Computer Chairs and Health Articles
January 9, 2009 at 2:30 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Most of the verbal communicating you do is from one individual to another. This is true whether you’re in a family, social, or a work setting.
One-on-one verbal communication affords the greatest opportunity for precision, because immediate feedback can tell you whether you were understood accurately.
But communicating effectively involves more than just accuracy.
The purpose of most communication is to influence the attitudes and behaviors of those whom we address. Since the human race is composed of billions of individuals, each with a different way of responding, no one approach is universally effective. So it’s important that you learn to express yourself accurately and in a way that will accomplish your purpose toward the individual you’re addressing.
The Basic Process of Communicating
To achieve precision and effectiveness in communicating, you should understand the basic process of communication. It has four requirements:
A message must be conveyed.
The message must be received.
There must be a response.
Each message must be understood.
Let’s look at these requirements one at a time.
A Message Must Be Conveyed
That sounds simple enough. You know what your thoughts are, and you know how to translate them into words. But that’s where we lose the simplicity.
Each of us has our own mental dialect. It is the common language of the culture in which we grow up, modified by our own unique life’s experiences. Our life’s experiences add color and shades of meaning to different words.
When you speak, your mental dialect must be translated into the mental dialect of the hearer. So the words you speak acquire a different color when they pass through the ears of the person who hears you.
It Depends Upon Where You Are
You can probably think of numerous opportunities for misunderstandings on your job and in your culture. If you tell your travel agent you want a flight to Portland, be sure to specify Maine or Oregon. Otherwise, you may end up on the wrong coast. A colleague of mine once flew to Ohio to keep a speaking engagement in Columbus. Too late, he realized that the group he was to address was in Columbus, Georgia. If someone in my hometown of High Point, North Carolina asks me, “How did Carolina do in the big game last night?” I know the reference is to the Tar Heels of the University of North Carolina. If somebody in Columbia puts the question in those precise words, I know that “Carolina” means the Gamecocks of the University of South Carolina. In most cities, if you ask a newsstand operator for the Sunday Times, you’ll be handed a New York Times. But in St. Petersburg, Florida, or Seattle, Washington, you’re likely to get the local newspaper.
A Message Must Be Received
The second basic requirement of the one-on-one communication process is that the message be received and understood. Effective communicators know that they have not conveyed their meaning until they have made sure that the other person has received it exactly as they sent it. They test, with questions and observations, to make sure that the real meaning they wanted to convey has passed through the filters and has been received and understood.
There Must Be A Response
The goal of all communication is to obtain the desired response. You want to say something correctly, and have your hearer understand what you mean by it. But you also want the hearer to do something in response.
Each Message Must Be Understood
Once a message has been delivered, received and responded to, it’s time to take stock of what each person has communicated. The cycle of communication is complete only when you come away with a clearer understanding of the person with whom you sought to communicate. You may not always agree with the other person, and the other person may not always agree with you — but it is important that you understand each other.
Nido Qubein is president of High Point University and chairman of Great Harvest Bread Company with 200 stores in 41 states. He has given more than 5,000 presentations to audiences worldwide and has authored more than two dozen books and audio programs on leadership, sales, communication, and achievement. For more information on Nido Qubein and his learning resource tools, visit his web site at http://www.nidoqubein.com.
January 8, 2009 at 11:16 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
The death of a loved one is painful enough but when death is sudden and combined with the loss of home, community and security, as during a natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina, it doubles our pain and intensifies the grief. Mourning and recovery are more difficult for surviving family members, regardless of their age. Many survivors will be in denial of the tragedy, some for a very long time.
Children’s Response to Loss In general, losing a parent, sibling, relative or friend will mean losing a sense of security for a child. While pre-schoolers have difficulty understanding that death is not temporary, older children, between the ages of five and nine, begin to experience and express their grief.
Children express grief in a variety of ways, including appearing to be unaffected. But, no matter how a child appears on the outside, there may be grief beneath the surface. Here are some common ways children respond to a death and loss:
anxiety or panic unexplained anger boisterous play crying often and easily trouble concentrating sleeplessness loss of appetite or other eating disruption increased physical complaints or illnesses acting younger, possibly reverting to bed wetting, thumb sucking or baby talk fear of being alone sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school Helping Children Cope with a Loss Be patient when responding. It can take them a long time to recover from a loss. Expect strong reminders, such as the holidays or the anniversary of a death, to bring back grief.
Keep children’s routines as regular as possible. Children grieve not only for the person but also for changes in the household and environment of family and friends. Offer children choices, when possible, in what they do or don’t do to express their feelings about the death. Help the child plant a tree or dedicate a place in memory of the person who died. Give children a chance to talk about their feelings, but don’t push them to talk. Children, like adults, need time to grieve and be upset. Let them know you are ready to listen and provide reassurance when they express their feelings. To lessen confusion, avoid expressions such as “passed on” or “went to sleep.” Answer their questions about death simply and honestly, but, only offer details they can absorb. Don’t overload them with information. In the case of natural disasters like hurricanes and floods, expect children to become fearful, or re-experience their grief and sense of loss. Adults’ Response to Loss Some common ways that adults respond to a death and loss include:
Feeling numb, emotionless or lost Feeling cheated Feeling guilt over failure to protect their loved one Feeling frustration, anger, fear or uncertainty Having problems concentrating and making decisions Overworking Forgetting things Having trouble with changes in routine Calling in sick frequently Helping Yourself and Others with Loss The more sudden and unexpected the death or loss, the harder it is for people to express support. Often, the fear of saying or doing something “wrong” keeps people from offering support. Remember, the more tragic and unexpected the event, the greater the need for support.
Here are some ways to help yourself:
Do your mourning now. Being brave is important but don’t miss an opportunity to cry. It’s not self indulgent, but a sensible and honest way to deal with your emotions. Hiding your feelings do not make them go away or ease your pain. Express your feelings. Remember that people do recover from sudden loss and that you too can move through this terrible pain and begin to heal. Bear in mind that emotional pain isn’t constant. We will love forever but we don’t need to grieve forever to honor that love. Get support from others - counselors, support groups, bereavement groups, compassionate friends, or other sudden loss survivors. You may find them through a hospice, place of worship, or community or social agency. Here are ways to help others:
Acknowledge the loss in some way. Send a card. Help to plan a memorial service. Observe a moment of silence at a community event. Offer help to the family by making a meal, providing transportation or babysitting a child. Offer words of sympathy. Speak from the heart, but be mindful of the different ways in which people mourn. If your stress doesn’t begin to subside or is so strong it interferes with your ability to function in daily life, talk with a trusted relative, friend, doctor or clergy. You may want to make an appointment with a mental health professional. This could be especially important for people who had existing mental health problems or those who’ve survived past trauma. Don’t try to go it alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
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