Archive for Best Psychology Resources
January 5, 2009 at 2:29 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
[The] “Betrayal trauma theory suggests that psychogenic amnesia is an adaptive response to childhood abuse. When a parent or other powerful figure violates a fundamental ethic of human relationships, victims may need to remain unaware of the trauma not to reduce suffering but rather to promote survival. Amnesia enables the child to maintain an attachment with a figure vital to survival, development, and thriving.” (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).
There are several independent surveys and studies regarding the prevalence of sexual abuse and incest survivors who do not remember their abuse for varied periods of time. In a clinical sample of incest survivors conducted by J. Herman and E. Schatzow in the late 1980s, 28 percent reported severe memory deficits. Sixty-four percent reported some degree of amnesia.
In a 1994 national sample of psychologists, conducted by S. Feldman-Summers and K. Pope, 23.9 percent reported childhood abuse. Of the psychologists who recounted abuse, 40 percent reported some period of time when victims forgot some or all of the abuse. In a prospective study of women’s memories of child sexual abuse conducted by L. Williams in 1994, 38 percent of the women studied did not recall sexual abuse that had been reported and documented in a hospital emergency room 17 years earlier. Women who were younger at the time of the abuse were more likely to have no recall of the abuse.
In a survey conducted by E. Loftus, S. Polonsky and M. Fullilove in 1994, 54 percent of the 105 women in an out-patient treatment for substance abuse reported themselves as victims of past sexual abuse; nineteen percent reported they forgot the abuse over time, but the memory returned later.
In 1993, J. Briere and J. Conte conducted a self-report survey for abuse in adults molested as children. This self-report survey revealed 59 percent of 450 women and men in treatment for sexual abuse at some time before age 18 had forgotten the sexual abuse.
Frequently, in working with sexual abuse survivors, I am not surprised they want to believe they made up the ’story’ of sexual abuse rather than face the horrific memories so they can fully heal. “Maybe I am making this up. Maybe I just dreamed that I was sexually abused.” Therein lies the truth…the unconscious mind doesn’t create dreams out of the random set of possibilities…the unconscious mind presents to us that which needs to be resolved–albeit might come in symbolic form until the conscious mind is prepared to accept the truth of the matter.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, is noted for her pioneering work in verbal, physical, sexual abuse prevention and recovery. http://www.gen-assist.com/book.asp
January 4, 2009 at 6:50 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Sometimes, finding help for yourself can be difficult. You may want to remain strong for your significant other, or you may not want to out them. However, if you need help, then you need to make sure that you are getting it. You may want to approach people talking about a friend without being specific on the details. You might also find it useful to approach the issue with a hotline. These are always anonymous and the people that you can talk with there are going to be able to answer questions and make suggestions for both you and your partner. If your doctor is someone that you have a close relationship with, then you can talk with them as well, to get advice. However, remember that your doctor is not a psychiatrist or therapist and probably does not have the advanced training to give all the specific help that you might need. They might instead refer you to someone else.
You can also ask your significant other how much they are comfortable with you talking about. Make sure that they know how and why you want to talk to someone and, if possible, who. Then stress that this does not signal a problem with the relationship, but just that you need to be able to talk to a neutral third party about issues that you have, that are becoming present in your life. If they are okay with you talking to a friend, then you can do that. If they would rather you talk to a therapist, ask if they are okay with you speaking to their therapist. This would allow the therapist to help treat the boyfriend or girlfriend, by directing the therapy towards fixing problems that are causing issues in the relationship. By explaining it that way, it might be more palatable. However, be careful about paranoia, because if it is present, it might be a very strong negative motivation.
Learn to alleviate your depression at http://www.curemydepression.com
January 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Schizophrenics hallucinate alternate realities. People who claim to have been abducted by aliens are accused of having Fantasy Prone Personalities. So what about those of us who claim to be conversing with angels, fairies, and spirit guides? Are we nuts? Absolutely yes! If we weren’t crazy before we started chatting with the divine, we soon will be. Just the constant questioning of one’s sanity can drive a person insane. How do you know if you’re really talking to spirits or if you’re losing your mind?
Let me start by saying that until the little creatures begin showing themselves as real and 3D touchable as any other critter on earth and do it on a massive worldwide scale so that they’re able to be counted and kept track of like anyone else on the endangered species list, then you won’t ever really know for sure will you? So why don’t they? Well that’s one of those million dollar questions. As far as I can tell it’s a combination of them not actually existing in a physical sense beyond the spiritual realm and that they get a certain amount of pleasure in teasing and playfully messing with our minds.
I don’t know what the official stance is according to the Grand PooBah of Psychiatry, but I know that most people who are certifiably insane don’t know that they are. The saying goes that if you are capable of questioning your own sanity, then you must not be too far gone yet. Not very reassuring, I know. Are they real or not? That’s the question you’re asking. I could give you one of those psychobabble answers like, “They are as real as you believe them to be.” Again, that doesn’t really help much.
Here’s the first question to ask yourself. Do they control you? The reason I ask is because throughout history there have been stories in all religions and cultures of some type of spirits that come to lovingly guide us along our way. So are the spirits controlling you and your life or are they guiding and nudging you? If they’re pushy and controlling you then there’s a higher probability that it’s a psychological game you’re playing with yourself. “The devil made me do it.” That usually means that you don’t want to face your secret motivations and so you have created an entity to force you to do things.
If they don’t control you and are simply loving guides trying to help out, then do you control them? If you are able to tell them what to do and they are working around the clock at your beck and call, then chances are you’re making them up. Free will is at the core of love. Nobody is forced to do anything. If you’re able to control when they come and go and what they do or do not do to help you, then you aren’t working with separate entities. Angels, fairies, and spirit guides are not our cosmic slaves to be controlled and dictated to. If you can do that, then they aren’t real.
Are you dependant on them? What I mean by this is that if they are an emotional security blanket then you’ve probably made them up in your mind. Real guardian angels and such are here to help you to believe in yourself, not to make you completely dependant on them for your every thing. If you can’t make a personal decision without your guides and they allow that kind of neediness, then they aren’t real. If you require they’re presence in order to create your art, play your music, or to write your great masterpiece, then chances are you don’t have enough self-esteem and you created a third party in your mind to give the credit to. That’s not the same as occasionally co-creating with them but being able to also work independently. If you are unable to do your spiritual works or offer your gifts to the world without their assistance, then they are probably not real.
Finally, upon meeting with the spirits and building a strong mentally healthy relationship with them where neither is a control freak bossing the other around and both are free to come and go as they please. Then the last thing to consider is the impact that the relationship has on you. Are you called to do some sort of spiritual work? Are you shown how to give some kind of a gift of love to the world whether it’s music, writing, speaking, art, cleaning up the planet or whatever else? Most people who come into contact with the divine find themselves with some sort of an undying need to spread love and joy around the planet. Real angels, fairies, and spirit guides teach us how to give our greatest gifts to the world. They empower us with the self belief that we have always had whatever is needed to make a difference in the world. If the relationship isn’t spiritual and inspirational, then it’s doubtful that it’s really spirit guides or angels that you’re talking to.
It is universally understood that the angels, fairies, spirit guides, or whatever other name your culture gives to those messengers of love and light, it is understood that they come from God. Again, it doesn’t matter if you call it God, Mother Nature, the Light, the Force or whatever name you like. These little spirits are divine helpers from the heavens come to cheer you on and to help you find a spiritually divine path. They are not owned by us and cannot be bossed around. They have no control over us and cannot boss us around without our consent. They can work amazing magic when co-creating with us, but they are here to show you your own magic and the divinity within you. Once that’s done, they tend to slip back into the shadows to allow you to shine your own light on your little corner of the world.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.
Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net
January 1, 2009 at 6:52 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Justin was a typical ten year old boy. He liked Leggos, trains, and watching TV. He had red hair, freckles, and a huge smile. Justin was a great kid and everybody loved him. Because of cancer, he didn’t live to see his eleventh birthday. His mom Mary, who had watched him suffer for months, held her son in her arms when he died. Every day, for the last two years, she has lived with the grief of her loss and the memories of Justin’s suffering.
This issue of suffering is the most common argument against religion. People often ask, “If there is a loving God, why does He make people suffer?”
I firmly believe that God does not cause sickness or pain. He doesn’t make people hurt, and He doesn’t want them to suffer. The life of Jesus proved this. He cured people; He did not make them sick. Why, then, are so many in pain?
There is no easy answer. To try and understand, I step back and look at the big picture. God made everything perfect. Then man sinned and that perfection was spoiled. Now we live in a world where evil abounds. We are subject to the evil actions of sinful people and to the natural consequences of those actions. This is not at all what God intended for the world He created.
God can and does intervene in some events, but why not others? Only He knows that answer, but the Bible teaches that there will be a time when He will put an end to ALL death, sadness, pain, sickness, and suffering.
Below are some possible reasons that people suffer.
1) We do things ourselves that cause us pain. We don’t eat right, so we have heart attacks. We drive fast, so we have accidents. We smoke, so we get cancer. We start wars, we break laws, we don’t show love to our fellow man. Much of the sorrow in this world, we bring upon ourselves by our own actions.
2) But what about innocent children who are not responsible for their suffering? Why do they get sick? This is a tough question. What I know for sure is that when God created this world, He intended for us to have strong, healthy bodies and freedom from pain and suffering. When evil entered the picture, it brought with it suffering. That is not to say people suffer because of their own personal sins, necessarily, but the world is changed, due to sin being part of the world. Jesus said, “In this world, you will have tribulation.”
Just as in the case with Job, I believe that evil forces attack us and cause much suffering in an attempt to get people to blame God and turn away from Him. (Job 2:3-9)
3) God gives us rights as individuals. Because He allows us to choose for ourselves how we’ll live, He had to also allow us the freedom to sin. This means He had to allow the consequences of our behaviors, too. Some of those consequences are diseases caused by toxins, accidents caused by risky behaviors, and natural disasters caused by things like changes in the ozone layer, which we have brought about.
4) Though some people think God punishes us by making us suffer, Jesus said that a blind man He healed was born blind, not because of his sin or his parents’ sin, but “that the works of God should be revealed in him.” (John 9:3) God didn’t cause the blindness, but He used it to show His power to all who saw Jesus heal the man.
5) Another possible reason God allows suffering is so that our faith in Him will grow, our compassion for others will increase, and we’ll be better able to encourage other hurting people (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
6) Romans 1:22 says that God gives rebellious people over to their own foolishness. He lets us go, hoping that we will return to Him after we hit bottom and see the error of our ways. Giving His permission is not the same as causing the problem. God doesn’t cause people to stubbornly refuse to follow His way. He doesn’t want us to go ever deeper into degradation, but He does permit us to have our way when we are determined to choose our own path.
BUT WE ARE NOT WITHOUT HOPE:
Though this world is no longer perfect, God will create a perfect world some day in heaven. He will get rid of everything that is not HIS. Suffering, sin, pain, tears and death are not HIS. “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’” (1 Corinthians 15:54)
We have HOPE that all suffering will be relieved when we go to spend eternity with God. But this promise of eternal bliss is only for those who know, serve, and love Him.
God doesn’t cause suffering; Satan does. When we get angry at God, it’s exactly what Satan wants. By blaming God for evil, we’re actually following the one who IS responsible.
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:8-11)
Our souls are of greater importance to God than our bodies are. Though He cares about our physical suffering, healing our soul is more urgent because it is the soul that lives forever. Our relationship with God is what determines where that soul spends eternity. If only those who suffer here on earth would seek God and the true healing (of the soul) that He offers!
In this world, bad things happen to good people. Those who have a personal relationship with God are better able to cope. We can live without fear, even though we do not know what the future holds, if we know the one who holds the future in His hands. When we discover the great love God has for us, we can let go of fear.
Psalm 27:1 says “The Lord is my salvation. Whom shall I fear?” Jesus triumphed over death, and He alone can save us from eternal death. He can also see us through all the trials of life and bring us safely to heaven.
I don’t have all the answers. I just hope that, in sharing what I’ve learned through my own experience, I’ve helped you to feel more at peace knowing God has ultimate control in every circumstance. He is GOOD, no matter what evil befalls us. We can trust in the one who is full of compassion and loves us more than we can imagine. Without that knowledge, I don’t know how anyone could cope with the trials of life.
No one can comfort the depths of our sorrows except God. I’m convinced that if you read His promises in the Bible, your heart will be encouraged.
Author Marsha Jordan is founder of a nonprofit charity called Hugs and Hope for Sick Children (http://www.hugsandhope.org). More of her articles on depression are in her book, Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter, a compilation of thought-provoking essays illustrated with drawings by critically ill children.
In this book, the author combines hope with humor, drawing upon her own experience of living with chronic pain and depression for thirty years. She opens her life and her heart to share everyday experiences and the lessons God has taught her from them.
A wonderful mix of the serious and the humorous, this book warms the heart and lifts the spirit. PROCEEDS BENEFIT SICK KIDS! This book was written to encourage anyone who faces disappointment — which is EVERYone! Some essays in the book include “What Did I Do To Deserve This?” “What Was God Thinking?” “More Than I Can Handle,” and “Ten Tips For Beating Depression” Order the book or learn more at http://www.hugsandhope.org/book.htm
December 31, 2008 at 9:42 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
When buying an office chair, few consumers consider where the product originated. Import office chair distribution is on the rise as China has become a major player in the chair manufacturing market. With volume shipments delivered to the U.S. and many contracts with large U.S. retail chain stores such as Target and Wal-mart, the imported chairs being delivered are on the rise. With Wal-mart being one of the leaders in the importing of products from China, they can offer prices hard to beat on most products.
These importers are all getting the product overseas due to the obvious price advantages and the high quality and quickly produced office chairs being offered, some even with manufacturer’s warranties. Online sites are also carrying imported office chairs and are offering the lowest prices on these office chairs to be found. Ebay and Overstock.com seem to have the niche in the market when it comes to online sales of import office chairs. Some sites like Bizchair.com and others also offering a wide selection of imported in stock models.
When purchasing the average imported office chair, most customers find that the quality, packaging from the originating factory and the inspection requirements are top rate. Not all models are the same, so the consumer also needs to do their homework. In most situations, the reputation of the seller of the chair should testify as to the quality of the chair. When purchasing an import office chair, it is recommended to inquire as to the feedback and reputation of the seller as well as any testimonials from past customers on the product. This can be hard to do with the average retail chain, but most online sites will offer options when it comes to customer satisfaction reviews.
The imported office chairs offer the same line of features as American models with things like tilt mechanisms, height adjustments and lumbar support being the most popular. Chairs can also come with a warranty and some distributors offer their own warranties on the chairs they offer. When it comes to price, most often, you will find many advantages and lower priced chairs on the import office line side. With chairs that appear quality wise to be exactly the same when it comes to features and options and with a lower price than most U.S. models, the import office chair industry is booming.
Amy Lieberfarb has been in the office furniture and interior sales industry for 11 years and currently runs two online websites dedicated to Office Chairs and Furniture. Providing information on how to pick the right ergonomic chair and featuring hundreds of different chairs, the site is very informative.
http://stores.ebay.com/liebswholesale
Specializing in Office Furniture and Ergonomic Chairs.
http://www.liebswholesale.com
Please see her website or other expert articles for more information on ergonomics and proper positioning.
She is an expert in most things office chairs and is an eBay Powerseller with years of experience and great positive feedback from all of her loyal customer base.
December 31, 2008 at 8:45 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
I recently posted an article to my website about how certain beliefs underpin stress, depression and anxiety. One of the main beliefs I briefly introduced concerns helplessness. Helplessness is a major part of these illnesses so let’s look at how you can reduce the impact this flawed belief has.
Believing you are helpless in life is a truly terrible feeling and I write from personal experience here. For five years, a number of traumatic events led me to the point where I believed life held nothing but pain and anguish. I truly believed life would unfold in a way that would destroy me and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it.
Perhaps you’ve felt this way too?
The underlying belief is the important factor here. It is a firm belief that life is something that happens to you and you have NO CONTROL over anything. In short, you are a powerless, passive recipient for whatever life decides to throw at you.
It is an awful state to be in. Furthermore, this belief simply isn’t true.
Let me give an example. Say you and your partner split up. Now, this can be one very traumatic experience, I’ve been through it, so have many others. You react in a highly negative and emotionally arousing way:
“I’m devastated. He/she was my whole world and now my world has fallen apart. Everything I do in life always goes wrong and this is another disaster. I’ll never be happy again.”
Wow. It’s a powerful reaction isn’t it? I’m sure you, like me, have either reacted this way to an event or you’ve heard someone react this way. It is a very damaging way to assign a meaning to an event you are confronted with.
The last two sentences reveal the belief in helplessness. The key words are: Everything always goes wrong and never be happy again. When you react in such a way, you are telling yourself that you are helpless because nothing has ever gone right for you and you’ll never be happy no matter what. You’re saying you cannot control anything and therefore, you truly believe you’re helpless.
How do you think you’ll feel when you react like this? Exactly. You’ll feel deeply unhappy, confused, frustrated and of course, helpless to change your life. Why would you feel anything else? Everything ALWAYS goes wrong and you’ll NEVER be happy again so what’s the point of doing anything to create change?
Do you see how helplessness works? But it simply isn’t true. Of course, there are many things in life that are entirely beyond your control. Other people and Mother Nature to name but two. There are things in life you have some control over - where you live and work for example. It is important to keep these facts about control firmly in mind.
Here’s the most important fact about helplessness: There is one thing you have full control over in your life and that is how you react and assign meanings to everything you are confronted with. In the example above, a better reaction would be:
“OK, my relationship hasn’t worked but other things in my life are going well and I’ll concentrate on them for a while as I come to terms with what’s happened. Just because this relationship hasn’t worked out, it doesn’t mean future relationships will fail and once I’ve got over this, I’ll get out there and find someone better.”
See the difference? You’re keeping control by assigning a less emotional meaning, a meaning more in keeping with reality. You’re acknowledging that you’re hurting, but that this is temporary and when you’re ready, you’ll try again. You know you have other things in your life that you can concentrate on and this reaction will prevent a feeling of helplessness arising.
See you soon.
Copyright 2006 Christopher Green
Former anxiety sufferer Chris Green is the author of “Conquering Stress”, the internationally acclaimed program which will help you to permanently conquer stress, depression and anxiety without taking powerful drugs. For a free mini course, please click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com
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December 29, 2008 at 4:26 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Is it possible for certain bloodlines or ancestry to cause more scientists in those families? Let’s say that Sir Isaac Newton, Nicola Tesla or Albert Einstein were in your family tree? Would that help you or give you an edge in innovation, discovery or perhaps finding the answer to Grand Unification?
Are these traits positive or negative; are they flaws or super genes? What about the story of the “Beautiful Mind” could it be both, a flaw, which creates a super brain for some things, but ill-prepared for others? Interesting subject indeed and let us say it was a flaw that these great historical figures had.
Nevertheless, that person with the flaw, able to concentrate on one thing may have in fact discovered a vaccine for polio or even the double helix of DNA. Thus even though one had a genetic flaw, the over all society should be grateful they did. In other words it is a darn good thing we are not created equal and Plato would agree, as each person’s talents or abilities should be leveraged for the common good and forward advancement of the Republic or in this case the forward advancement of the species and World.
Do you believe that genetic flaws of this type are worthy bloodlines to have? Would you like to be one of the smartest people in the world or would you rather just be normal like you perceive others to be? Perhaps you will consider all this in 2006.
“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/
December 28, 2008 at 9:58 pm · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Anticipatory grief has been described as a “normal process,” but life is far from normal if you’re going through it. Some experts list symptoms in broad terms, and others list them in detail. Short list or long, anticipatory grief symptoms are jarring.
You may have bouts of crying, for example, a symptom that upsets you and those around you. You may hold back your tears because you have to be strong for your loved one. All through the day you have a choked feeling in your throat. Holding back tears takes lots of energy and, before long, you’re exhausted.
You don’t talk publicly about your grief because you’re afraid of the reactions you’ll get. It takes courage to “grieve in a society that mistakenly values restraint,” according to Judy Tatelbaum, author of “The Courage to Grieve.” But if you’re going to heal you must face anticipatory grief and its symptoms. Your survival depends on this self-honesty.
ANTICIPATORY GRIEF SYMPTOMS ARE A BIG DEAL IF YOU HAVE THEM.
Just as reading about the flu differs from getting it, reading about anticipatory grief differs from experiencing it. Suddenly, anticipatory grief is personal and you can’t escape its symptoms. “What happened to my life?” you may ask.
Antiipatory grief happened and the symptoms include denial, mood swings, forgetfulness, disorganized and confused behavior, anger, depression, feeling disconneced and alone. You may have health symptoms, too, such as weight loss or gain, sleep problems, nervous behavior, and general fatigue.
Fatigue and the strain of handling symptoms can lead to depression. Keep in mind that depression isn’t the same as the blues. You may wish to talk with a physician to see if you’re depressed. Depression is treatable and new medications can get you over this hump.
EACH SYMPTOM IS POWERFUL.
The worst symptoms of all - anxiety and dread - illustrate this point. Robert Fulton, PhD and Robert Bendiksen, PhD discuss anxiety in their book, “Death & Identity.” You expect your loved one to die, they explain, but “exactly when it will take place is not known.”
The suspense is unbearable. If you feel this badly now, how will you feel when your loved one is gone?
Talking about feelings will help you to relieve anxiety. Instead of brooding alone, talk with a trusted friend. Your church and local hospital may have grief support groups. You may also get support from national associations, such as the Alzheimer’s Association.
THE INTENSITY OF THE SYMPTOMS VARIES.
Having the symptoms is bad enough, but these symptoms also vary in intensity. What a bummer. Your anticipatory grief symptoms are always present, interrupting thoughts, nagging at you, adding to your worry and sorrow. Like a roller coaster track, your emotions zig-zag up and down.
These may be your feelings, but identifying them is hard. Keeping a diary is one way to identify and track your feelings. Your partner and familily members may also be able to help you. When all is said and done, however, you must help yourself.
This is good time to draw upon your personality strengths. Use your intelligence, skills, and hobbies to your advantage. Prepare yourself for the variations in intensity because they’ll happen. You’ll also need to prepare yourself for a long haul.
THE TIME FACTOR GRINDS YOU DOWN.
Depending on your loved one’s illness, you may grieve for year, five years, 10 years, or more. The slow decline of a loved one is a heavy burden. Edward Myers, in his book “When Parents Die,” says this burden comes with special hardships. Myers compares a slow decline to an advancing glacier.
A sudden death hits you like an explosion, Myers explains, and sends you into shock, whereas a slow deline “arrives more like a glacier, massive and unstoppable, grinding you down.” Dealing with the symptoms of anticipatory grief gets harder with each passing day.
HELPING YOURSELF IS A BIG DEAL TOO.
One thing you can do is give yourself permission to cry. Tears are an emotional release, according to Jeffrey A. Kottler, author of “The Language of Tears.” He thinks crying brings people together. When you cry and share your story with others they share their stories with you.
You may compile a support list. Put contact names, phone numbers, and email addresses on your list. Add anticipatory grief “prescriptions” to your list, things like a daily walking group, half-day cooking class, or book club meeting.
Anticipatory grief symptoms are a big deal. Handling these symptoms is one of the best deals you’ll ever make with yourself. The things you learn today will brighten your tomorrows.
Copyright 2005 by Harriet Hodgson. To learn more about her work go to http://www.harriethodgson.com.
Harriet Hodgson has been a nonfiction writer for 27 years and is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com. A five-star review of the book is also posted on Amazon. The book is packed with Healing Steps - 114 in all - that lead readers to their own healing path.
December 26, 2008 at 11:33 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
In my fifteen years of helping people change their lives working with emotional distress I have learnt many new things about human life and behaviour. Many of these lessons have come about with experience and not from books. One of such lessons is- how do we know when someone has completed the grief ‘process’.
Yes. Grief is a process. It has a beginning and an end. Without going into the academic stages of grief (as described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross), my experience suggests that the grieving process comes to a conclusion. One of the signs of conclusion of grief is that the person has shed all the tears that they need to shed for the particular loss. It means that the memory of the departed person no longer brings up tears in the eyes of the person who has suffered the loss. The other sign is that the grieving person becomes comfortable with the loss. I have observed that at some stage, the grieving person has to cry. When the sufferer has not cried over the loss, in almost all cases, the grief process was not concluded. How do I know that? This is explained below.
First we need to know that people who deny themselves the privilege of crying over the loss, would say that they do not want to talk about the subject. This is a classic ‘denial’ as psychologists would put it. They also feel ‘uncomfortable’ when the subject of the lost person is brought up. They also ‘do not feel the need to cry’ as ‘it is in the past’. These are signs that the person has not dealt with the loss and that they have yet to reach the stage of acceptance.
In order to appreciate why we have to cry to conclude the grief process, we need to appreciate how the nervous system operates.
The nervous system has a component known as the ‘autonomic nervous system’. This part of the nervous system controls the internal organs of the body like heart, lungs, kidneys, intestines etc. This system is helped by the hormonal or endocrine system to control the various activities. The autonomic nervous system is divided into sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic system is concerned with providing energy, dealing with stress situations, high blood pressure, increased heart rate and increased body tension. Stress hormone- cortisol- is produced in the stress state. There is a reduction in serotonin and acetylcholine during stress. The parasympathetic system is responsible for relaxation, lower blood pressure, reduced body tension, producing serotonin, reducing cortisol and producing tears.
It means that tears can be produced only when the body is relaxed. During the process of grief, after going through denial and bargaining comes a stage of sadness or depression. It is at this time that the parasympathetic system becomes more active. Crying occurs in this stage. Once the crying stage is over, the issue is resolved. Grief is then concluded.There is then a noticeable shift in the person’s attitude towards the loss, which also becomes positive.
Pradeep K Chadha is a psychiatrist who specialises in helping patients with meditation and imagery using little or no medication. He is the author of The Stress Barrier-Nature’s Way To Overcoming Stress published by Blackhall Publishing, Dublin. He is based in Dublin, Ireland. His website address is http://www.drpkchadha.com
December 21, 2008 at 1:17 am · Filed under Best Psychology Resources
Not so long ago, on advice from a naturopath, I tried a low GI muesli with almond milk for breakfast. Supposedly healthy right? For the next few hours I felt like I was fighting to stop from drowning. My emotions dived to their darkest depths they had in many years. Had I not been aware of what I was normally like in the morning (when not having cereal for breakfast) I would have been ready to crawl into bed to hide for days, or worse… Thankfully the feeling passed by midday and I was back to my normal self.
When I have cereal for breakfast it makes me depressed. How come the Doctor doesn’t know to tell me that? I haven’t had cereal for breakfast for over 6 years. Not porridge, not low GI muesli, not flakes, biscuits or bubbles. Only 3 generations ago there was no such thing as a breakfast cereal but now most people can’t imagine what you would have for breakfast if you couldn’t have something in a bowl with a white liquid on it.
I am not suggesting that everyone skips cereal for breakfast (although I could probably justify it). The important thing is to find out what works for you. Some people do better starting the day with protein, some with carbohydrates. Try something different for a few days and see if your depression lifts.
You may notice the difference immediately and never want to go back. Make a note to check in with yourself through out the morning. Make an appointment in your calendar or set the alarm on your watch to remind you to see how your doing. Also, ask people who you spend time with in the morning to notice if you seem different as well.
So what can you eat instead of cereal for breakfast? Many cultures around the world do not have cereal for breakfast. Instead they have something to eat that would eat at any other time of the day. For example, left overs from the night before, baked beans, steamed broccoli, tuna salad, tofu and leafy greens, even an omelette that includes vegetables. And no, two pieces of raison toast or a blueberry muffin are not good substitutes. We’re aiming for good protein sources.
What about asking friends for ideas? Do you know anyone from non-western backgrounds? If so, ask them what they have for breakfast - many cultures around the world don’t have breakfast out of a box so there must be answers out there.
But what about the time it takes to prepare something other than cereal for breakfast? For the 9-5 lifestyle, being able to throw something in a bowl put white liquid on it and then bolt out the door saves time in the mornings. My question is: How important is your health to you? Ok I’ll stop preaching from on high. Time is a consideration in the mornings and I imagine that having to come up for something for children as well only adds to the pressure. What about a large pan of scrambled eggs, a saucepan of beans, or a large salad with left over sausages?
What about the additional cost? Cereal is cheap but you get what you pay for. Are you currently paying for depression medication? If you can reduce or eliminate your medication by changing what you eat for breakfast then you will have freed up some money to buy quality food instead.
If you have a protein breakfast, what about calcium from milk? So, the dairy industry has you convinced that you can’t get enough calcium from other sources, eh? If you want to try the experiment of not having cereal for breakfast for a few days, have it for you last meal of the day instead. I know it might feel like your back in college and have nothing else to eat but if you do well with higher protein in the mornings you will probably also do well with higher carbs at night. Try it and see - the kids will love the novelty.
Remember, its about finding out what works for you. We all have different metabolic types that require different ratios of proteins and carbohydrates at different times of the day. By varying our diet and noticing the difference in how we feel we can work out what is just right for each of us.
Rod Sherwin is an EFT Practitioner and runs Tap4Health in Melbourne, Australia. Rod has over 6 years of studying advanced health technologies such as Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT), Metabolic Typing, and NLP. He has worked with Anthony Robbins in a leadership capacity all over the world and enjoys building the fires that people walk on to transform fear into power. Click here to see a recent television interview with Rod.
Tap4Health is unique if that we offer a Success Guarantee to clients. If you do not feel you have received significant results from treatment you receive your money back! It’s that simple. For more information see Tap4Health.
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